What Happened..

 The last week was a Horrible Nightmare!!

How it all started is a bit of a Blur to me.. 

What I do remember is Adam writing 

a rather threatening comment on my post where I said:

which was Not even directed at Him!

That post was a message to someone else that was testing me while I was already spiraling down Fast!

...

I understood that Adam was not able to come over 

because of transportation issues n things,

That also meant no more Nerve Medicine for a while.

But understanding that did Not Stop the Withdrawals 

from beating me down and making my own nervous system attack me on All Levels!

There are people who believe that I was holding Adam responsible for this which is 

Not True!

But Adam decided to attack me anyways while I was in the worst Pain!

And to top it off, 2 random strangers popped up in my inbox who were sent by Adam

to fuck with my mind to push me over the edge!

which of course resulted in Those explosions on the FB News Feed:

💓 OMG I Love my sister Karen! 💓

She knows me So well 😍

And I Love my sister Anna for caring 💓

Just like Linda my Sunbeam and a few Others

 who might not want their name mentioned but 

I hope they'll Feel my Gratitude for Caring and Understanding 

that Healing from Great Pain takes time..

Thank you All for your Patience 🙏

I knew I owed y'all some type of explanation 

after the last few days 

and just writing a paragraph about it 

just didn't seem to cut it.

So Here's the Video 

But the volume of it is so low that I had to write everything I said anyway.

What I said was:

Hi ... soo.. i just wanted to say sorry for the last couple of days..

I didn't mean to startle anyone with my reactions and with what I posted.

I didn't mean to worry anyone..... I really don't like making videos lol ...

But... I guess this needed a video instead of just typing up another text.. 

like, Who's gonna read that? .. That's just not enough this time.

(Yes I stutter when I'm nervous thats why I hate makin videos lol)

I know I might've shocked a few poeple.. you know.. 

I had a lot of people wondering: "What Happened??"

Got a Lot of messages like that in my inbox... 

and I wasn't able to talk for a few days.

Thank you for respecting my wishes to please be patient with me 

until I'm back to somewhat "normal" lol..

yeeaah we all know I was never normal LOL  .. anyway ~

What happened was:

A few friends that were very close to me, people that I have considered my Family

have decided to show their True colors and Turned on me.

It happens.

It's part of my curse..

I've gone thru some severe trauma and I have no medical help,

I have no way of seeing any doctors and/orI cannotgo to any hospital,

so I self-medicate with weed. It's All I have.. it helps me to stay in this world, okay..

I mean, I don't wanna talk about everything I've gone thru....

It's just... i'm trying, okay .. I'm trying to be as "normal" as I possible can be 

so that I can interact with other people normally and in order to be able to do that

I have to self medicate with weed, with mariju...I can't pronounce that word!

You Know what I mean, right?

Cause my anxiety is a real Bully and I deal with this by my self.

My friends and especially the one I've considered my brother.. 

he brought me weed almost everydayand we would hang out and he's been also

going thru some problems and I've been there for him 

and I helped him with his problems as best as I could with whatever limited ability is available to me you know..

I try, I don't wanna see nobody else Hurt .. so I believed it was a rather fair energy exchange.

you know, I'm there for him and I helped him out wih his anxiety and his boyfriend and whatever

and he'd help me out with, you know .. weed.

But he did that voluntarily! It became our ritual.

I never "put that on him" like I was being accused of by another one of my former "friends"... yeeaah

because we both gone thru similar things and he shared his medicine with me and I was grateful for that

so of course I was always there for him.. well That changed!

He had decided to turn on me on the worst possible day .. when I was already down!

It's funny how people close to me like to kick me when I'm down..

That's what Happened!

And Then, while I was in that condition, 

he had his friends in my inbox fire shots at me!

That's when y'all saw me screamin on my timeline: 

"STOP JUDGING MEEE!!!" lol 

I'm sorry.. I know that was scary and stupid and I don't even wanna know what ThAt Looked like, Yess I deleted those things lol

But yeah... That'll Teach me to Trust people again, Right? 

So That happened................

Thanks to my sister I'm getting a little better..

And I'm thankful for painkillers.. and Family who actually Cares for Real 💞 yknow.. Real Family.

Otherwise I ..... 

I can't go to no hospital!

I can't see no Doctor!

I can't talk to Anyone!

I'm glad I have recovered enough to be able to talk again.

I couldnt do that for a few days.. but .. I mean I'm learning not to trust people..

I mean I've learned that . like.. Last year already you know.. not to get attached to anyone anymore

This is a lesson I had to learn the Hard way; ..

Anytime you Think that somebody would NEVER do you That Way.. they Will Do You That Way!!!!!!!!!!

Always be prepared for it!

Cause I wasn't!!

I'm Still healing..

anyway...

at least I'm healing.

so.. yeeah.. in a nutshell that's what happened.

And I thank anyone who was there for me and was in my corner 💕

Especially my sister ✨Karen Dadoun✨ gurl I Love You! 💖 

Thank you sooo Much 🙏 I saw what you said 😍

She said: 

"Leave her alone, she's hurting real bad right now, 

she will come around when she's ready."

(something like that)

And she was right 💟 Here I Am 💃 

Thanks for having my back sis 💕 

I appreciate you SO Much!

I hope y'all can hear me, I hope it's not too quiet.. it was 11:38 PM and not trying to wake the house up.

Thank you all for being patient with me and thank you to the ones who been praying for me, I Really appreciate you

💖💗💖💗💖💖💗💖

It's a Healing Journey!

I'll get thru it and I'll make it to the finish line, I Know it. 

The Big Event happens in 2 more days.. 

I hope we're ready!

I been babbling on long enough got almost 10 minutes. 

Thank you so much for listening 💕